More Famous Jokes

More Famous Jokes

Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant! 

Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches you vagina, say stop. 

Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out, "don’t, stop, don’t, stop.

How does the ocean say hello?

It waves!

Q: Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

A: Because they might peel!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and 

screaming like the passengers in his car. 

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. 

- Oscar Wilde

Now that I'm married, I'm being asked questions I have never been asked before in my entire life. The other day, my wife came up to me and said, "Do you think I'm fat?" 

I said, "Excuse me sweetheart, but do you see "stupid " written on my face?. Then She said:  

Do you see "let's have a fight for no apparent reason" written on my face somewhere?'

More Famous Jokes

Best gay quotes: The best gay quotes and most famous gay quotes

Best gay quotes: The best gay quotes and most famous gay quotes

Star Wars gay Quotes Holding hands

A collection of best gay qutoes and famous gay quotes from the internet and from people gay or not who likes to share their thoughts and points of view about being gay. Enjoy..

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #1

If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them!
-unknown

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #2

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.
-Epitaph of Leonard P.

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #3

Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.
-James Baldwin

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #4

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?
-Ernest Gaines

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #5

You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.
-Barry Goldwater

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #6

What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.
-Tennessee Williams

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #7

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.
-Elton John

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #8

I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant.
-Paul Newman

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #9

Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul.
-Bruce Bawer

Best gay quotes: Famous gay quotes #10

People sometimes think I'm gay because I once played a gay in a movie. It's funny. Audiences don't think you're a murderer if you play a murderer, but they do think you're gay if you play a gay.
-Perry King

more best gay quotes

		HOME
PREVIOUS				NEXT
	QUOTES CATEGORY		JOKES CATEGORY

From A Mother With Love Funny Redneck Jokes | Funny Jokes

From A Mother With Love


Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.


From A Mother With Love Funny Redneck Jokes | Funny Jokes

Only three doors Funny Blonde Jokes | Silly Jokes

Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Only three doors Funny Blonde Jokes | Silly Jokes

Watch Dogs Funny blonde Jokes | Funny Jokes | Stupid Blonde jokes

Watch dogs

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
And asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Hellooooo......' answered the blond.
'I bought them as watch dogs!'


Watch Dogs Funny blonde Jokes | Funny Jokes | Stupid Blonde jokes

The blonde kidnapper Funny Blonde Jokes | Funny Jokes

The blonde kidnapper

This blonde woman was having financial troubles, when she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:

I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow by 7 AM.
Signed - "The Blonde"

She pinned the note inside the boy’s jacket and told him to go straight home.The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note:
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

The blonde kidnapper Funny Blonde Jokes | Funny Jokes

Blonde house coating funny blonde jokes | Funny Blonde Jokes

Blonde house coating funny blonde jokes
One day a blonde decides that she is so sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said…FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Blonde house coating funny blonde jokes | Funny Blonde Jokes

Not in this office funny blonde jokes | dirty blonde jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are in the copy room of their office building when the red head goes over to the corner of the room.

She stands with a puzzled look on her face for a second then says 'This looks like a semen stain'.

The brunette walks over to look as well as touch the stain. She says 'Looks and feels like semen.'

The blonde comes over, looks at, touches, then tastes the stain. She says 'looks like it, feels like it and tastes like it, but it's not from any man in this office.'


Not in this office funny blonde jokes | dirty blonde jokes

How many States - Funny Kid jokes - Silly kid jokes

How many States - Funny Kid jokes
Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, 'Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.'

Cat won't eat - Funny Blonde Jokes - Dirty Jokes

Cat won't eat

A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.

The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"

The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that 'Pussy Treats' are for cats?"

Cat won't eat - Funny Blonde Jokes - Dirty Jokes

Famous OBAMA quotes

Famous OBAMA quotes

Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth. Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for "That One." And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president. If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome.
Barack Obama

But I have to say tonight's venue isn't really what I'm used to. I was originally told we'd be able to move this outdoors to Yankee Stadium, and can somebody tell me what happened to the Greek columns that I requested?
Barack Obama

I do love the Waldorf-Astoria, though. You know, I hear that from the doorstep you can see all the way to the Russian tea room.
Barack Obama


You notice that people who've been in Washington too long, they don't talk like ordinary folks,. We had this debate in Las Vegas, and somebody asked me, "What are your weaknesses?" So I said, "Well, you know, I don't keep track of paper that well, I'm always losing paper, my desk is a mess." And then they asked the next two candidates. And one candidate says, "Well, my biggest weakness is I'm just so passionate about helping poor people." And then the other one says, "I'm just so impatient to help the American people solve their problems." So then I realize well, I wish I'd gone last and then I would have known.. I'm stupid that way, I thought that when they asked what your biggest weakness was, they asked what your biggest weakness was. And now I know that my biggest weakness is I like to help old ladies across the street.
Barack Obama

The mimic bands the keyword opposite the given earth.

My top list

My top list

Blog Directories
Increase Page Rank
Globe of Blogs





Free Web Directory - Add Your Link
The Little Web Directory

Blog Folders Blog Directory
A1 Web Links -blogarama.com

Blog Collector
Webmaster Resources

Loan Arithmitic - Best teacher jokes

Loan Arithmitic - Best teacher jokes

Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?'

'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly.

'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?'

'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'


Table of contents

		HOME
PREVIOUS				NEXT
	QUOTES CATEGORY		JOKES CATEGORY

Boots - Best teacher jokes

Boots - Best teacher jokes

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my
boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed them in the
toes of my boots..."

Her trial starts next month.


Table of contents

		HOME
PREVIOUS				NEXT
	QUOTES CATEGORY		JOKES CATEGORY

Teaching Applicant - Best teacher jokes

Teaching Applicant - Best teacher jokes

After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right: You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams.

You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly
with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this, and then you tell me.............. I CAN'T PRAY?"
Table of contents

		HOME
PREVIOUS				NEXT
	QUOTES CATEGORY		JOKES CATEGORY

Better Grades - Best teacher jokes

Better Grades - Best teacher jokes

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.

He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades...somebody is going to get a spanking!"
Table of contents

		HOME
PREVIOUS				NEXT
	QUOTES CATEGORY		JOKES CATEGORY

One of my Kids - Best teacher jokes

One of my Kids - Best teacher jokes

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.

He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly,

"No, I'm your son's teacher."
Table of contents

		HOME
PREVIOUS				NEXT
	QUOTES CATEGORY		JOKES CATEGORY

Spring Fever - Best teacher jokes

Spring Fever - Best teacher jokes

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"

Table of contents

		HOME
PREVIOUS				NEXT
	QUOTES CATEGORY		JOKES CATEGORY

How Many are Left - Best teacher jokes

How Many are Left - Best teacher jokes

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.

"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."

"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
Table of contents

		HOME
PREVIOUS				NEXT
	QUOTES CATEGORY		JOKES CATEGORY

No wonder English is so hard to learn - Best teacher jokes

No wonder English is so hard to learn - Best teacher jokes

No wonder English is so hard to learn


We polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

A farm can produce produce.

The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.

The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

The present is a good time to present the present.

At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.

The dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance for the invalid was invalid.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.

I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Table of contents

		HOME
PREVIOUS				NEXT
	QUOTES CATEGORY		JOKES CATEGORY